I Am the Swarm / Hayley Chewins / Book Review

I AM THE SWARM

The women of the Strand family are magic. They always have been, as far back as memory goes. And with Nell's fifteenth birthday upon her, she's dreading the arrival of her own magic. Because she knows it's more than magic. It's a curse.

Nell's older sister bleeds music, and she'll do anything to let that music loose from her veins. Her mother's in a state of constant change, never the same age from one day to the next--often too young to be the mother Nell needs. Her aunt's magic feeds her secrets she doesn't want to know, the kind of secrets that pushed her to leave the rest of them behind.

When Nell's magic arrives in the form of ladybugs alighting on the piano as she practices, she feels relieved. Magic can be worse. So much worse. But the ladybugs are just the beginning. Each new emotion brings something different, and the more Nell feels, the more the insects swarm...

THOUGHTS

This book is beautiful. It's lyrical. It's dark and hopeful at the same time. It's hard to read, and it's worth enduring. It's a really strong dive into mental health and femininity and family, and I fully endorse it.

PROS

Extended Metaphor	This book serves first and foremost as an extended metaphor exploring one family's complicated relationship with mental health. It clings to the perspective of Nell, who inherits a weighty legacy of mental illness in her family (or, at this book frames it, some sort of magic). Her mother, her sister, and her grandmother have all struggled (and continue to struggle) under the weight of the magic that was gifted to them as teenage girls, and now Nell is coming of age in the midst of all this. She doesn't want to be so caught up in it. She doesn't want to bear the weight of it. And that's how her own magic manifests. It's a hard book to read, because it's a book shrouded in a heavy reality, but it is so well executed!
So Many Failures	It's also hard to read Nell's story because so many times along the way she is failed, failed by people who should be doing more for her. Family members, teachers, mentors: those who are older than her, supposed to be wiser than her, and ultimately responsible for her. This book is hard to read (but definitely worth the read) because it feels too real at points: because Nell is exactly the type of kid who can fall through the cracks and ultimately break under the weight she shouldn't have to shoulder at fifteen, especially not alone. But with so many bigger, louder presences in her life, no wonder nobody's listening to her or watching out for her needs. There are bigger crises happening, so hers is brushed to the wayside.
Caught in the Middle	I really liked Nell's love interest, who isn't ultimately a love interest. He's just a boy who gets caught up in the middle of everything that Nell is dealing with, and he doesn't even know the half of it. He shouldn't have to bear this emotional burden either, but I appreciated the role that he does play. Because he does so much right, so much that those who actually should be responsible for Nell aren't doing. He listens to her, and he checks in on her even when she's pushing him away. It's nice to have this glimpse of something lighter, something better in such a heavy book (even if I did feel bad for him getting caught up in all of the emotional turmoil that this book presents).

CONS

This book is very dark, and it deals with some heavy subject matter. It really won't be the right fit for a lot of readers. If you don't want or need content warnings, just move along, but those who prefer to avoid books dealing with self-harm, suicidal ideation, and disordered eating (among other things) should steer clear of this one. As much as I think it is a poignant piece, it is also a dark, heavy read.	Heavy Subject
Nell already has so much going on in her life. She has so, so much to struggle with. And I get that the emotional detachment of her parents makes her an easy victim, too, but it almost felt like too much to be contained in one book. If I could have skipped anything here, I would have dropped the plotline with Nell's piano teacher because... ick. Not unrealistic, but in a book so heavy, I could have used a bit of a break. And Nell could have, too.	Too Much
Something I always struggle with in a novel-in-verse is the poetry itself. Because I'm really not an expert when it comes to poetry. I don't gravitate toward it in general, though I have my fair share of poet friends. But I'm always up for checking out a novel-in-verse, and sometimes that verse really does benefit the story. Here, I'm not so sure it does. I don't know that the poetic form added much to this plotline. Really, the verse just made it kind of difficult to find a place to break. This book is comprised of long sections made of little poems, and those poems in and of themselves never quite seem to contain a complete narrative chunk, so... I'm not sure what the point was. I'm not sure poetry did this book justice.	Poetry vs. Prose

Rating

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
8/10

Fans of Ellen Hopkin's Crank will love dissecting dark subject matter in verse. Those who enjoyed Heather Kamins's The Moth Girl will like this book's use of fantasy to complicate reality.

Details Publisher: Viking Books for Young Readers Date: March 25, 2025 Series: N/A Add to Goodreads Buy it HERE

Note: I was provided with an ARC by the publisher through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions here are my own.